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Worse? Or Better?

Published: Dec 20 2017

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The Better

My girlfriend and I have moved in together. There is just a small amount to finish moving and it will be done. We are making all kinds of plans and the place is really coming together. We are even hosting a Christmas get together with family and friends. I don't have many relationships to compare against, and none since transitioning, but this is by far the most amazing relationship I have ever had. I had no idea that it was a possibility and some days I tear up from happiness. 

Transition is still going ok. I am really coming into my own style and it's been as good as ever being myself finally. I catch more and more glimpses of femininity in the mirror now.

The Worse

Not everything is paradise though. My HRT medication is having a shortage of inject-able estrogen. I have had to switch back to several pills a day. It is inconvenient and I had better levels with injections. There isn't anything I can do about this though.

I have had no success with job hunting. I don't think that it has to do with transition because I haven't even gotten an interview where they could see that. I worry that once I do get a chance I will be passed over because of it.

The Other

The good outweighs the bad by far and it's been causing me some issue with regard to writing. When everything seems bad or seems to be a conflict things are easy to write. You can vent about anything and get an article. Now that I feel things are going great, with a few exceptions, writing is coming less naturally. I realized that I don't really have experience with being so happy. I have a lifetime of experience dealing with distress with my body, feelings, and environment. Now that it's gone I don't know how to deal with it and am learning slowly how to enjoy life. It sounds weird to say that I need to learn to deal with being happy. It is far better than the unhappiness that I am accustomed to. Instead of thinking of all that is against me I think of all that I look forward to now.

I have also written about most of the things that I could think of before. Hopefully I get some ideas and get back to writing more regularly.

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