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Riding The Wave

Published: Mar 08 2017

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The day after I told my brother I told my cousin, when we spoke on Skype. He reacted with much less surprise than my brother. He said I am not very subtle. Like my brother he is very even about the news and understands that as long as I am happy that is all that should matter. He was more open than my brother about talking and even volunteered to go shopping with me. I gave him the link to the blog and he had read every article the next day. He had a few more questions at that point but nothing I didn't expect at one time or another. 

Earlier that day I had called my mom and told her we should talk. She was super paranoid about everything. Apparently me requesting a meeting is like super out of the ordinary. She was thinking everything from cancer to prison to moving away. I had agreed to meet her for coffee at a diner. 

Expect The Unexpected

I never plan for the best case but I always hope for it. You know just like when buying a lottery ticket. It might be a winner but I mean don't get your hopes up. 

So I met my mom for coffee. Immediately she wants to know what is going on but I insist we wait until we get the drinks first. I am just stalling at this point and already I had started shaking. It was one of the hardest things to say but I'd come this far I needed to say it. After I told her I was on hormones and would continue to be she wasn't even surprised. Well she didn't really act it if she was. I was more surprised by her response. 

She had a lot of the same questions as my brother. What if this? What if that? I explained that I would rather be an ugly woman than continue living as a man. She understood that I didn't just alter my life on a whim and it was given a lot of thought. Her biggest issue was if I changed my name. She will kill me if I do. I told her I am not sure if I am or not yet. I am lucky that my name can go both ways but it is associated with my past. There is a lot of work to change it though as well. It's still on my mind though.

After coffee we met at her house and I told my stepdad. His response was mostly indifference. He said as long as I am doing what I want who is he to judge. I know he has his own life problems and they are much more important to him right now. I mean really everyone has their own and my transition will eventually fade from everyone's minds and I will just be normal again. That is the hope.

Picture This

One thing that has been common for each person who I've broken the news to has been that they don't understand. They can't relate to why I would do this. I don't mean they aren't supportive but they just don't "get it". I have given this a bit of thought and I have an idea of a way to explain it. 

Next time I will ask them to imagine a color. Not any color but one specific shade of a specific hue with a specific intensity. Multiple millions of colors available and I want them to picture this one only. Most likely they cannot. Maybe one in a hundred people is an artist and can do it. Maybe one in a thousand people has a strange brain chemistry that they can pick out this one color. 

A more realistic and plausible version of this would be to ask them to imagine the sunset ( or the northern lights or something else impressionable) at the north pole on Christmas. Not just any sunset but that specific sunset and that scene in detail. Again most have no idea what it really looks like there. Maybe a few have seen pictures or read about it and can imagine it better. Once in a while you might meet someone who has been there and can picture it perfectly. 

I found it is really hard to find a way to relate such a concept to someone that is so personal to me and foreign to them.


I have scheduled a meeting with my sisters in a couple days. I am going to do my best to be direct (more direct than I was with my mom). I don't think they worry like she does but that is not the precursor to this message I want to send. I also have to tell my best friend. Really being my best friend he should have known first but the fear of the unknown and potentially losing him is a strong deterrent. 

This weekend when I speak to my significant other I am also going to break the news. I won't blame her if she just cuts ties. I mean I did lie for months and I can't imagine she wants to be with a woman. I will still hold out hope though. It is extremely unfair of me to not have told her immediately. 

I also see my father this weekend and would like to bring it out for him. We meet up but aren't what I would call close. I have a hard time relating to him (pun not intended). I really don't know anything about his opinions but I'd rather tell people and give them more time than spring it on them when I am ready to go full time. At least for most people.


I hope that the awesome accepting and supportive responses continue but I know I am just lucky so far. That is why I am biting the bullet and telling as many people as I feel comfortable about now. I'm really on a roll so far.


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