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Published: Jul 22 2017

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Recent Events

I had my first doctor appointment since changing to injections. I have had no trouble injecting myself. Initially there was a bit of back and forth with the pharmacy to get more needles and syringes. My prescription was empty the day of the doctor appointment. Normally I would have injected that morning but there was a billing/insurance issue with refilling that I figured I could wait and discuss my options. I had no issues getting the prescription refilled and taking the shot later.

Anyways I had been feeling different in mood lately. Not necessarily down but I could tell that I didn't feel like I was progressing up anymore. I had also noticed that physical changes seemed to be slowing or stopped. It was hard to tell. So I was extremely curious to see what the lab results said. I thought for sure that my estrogen was low and my testosterone was up. 

Even though I had delayed my injection for the day they drew my blood the results came back incredibly positive. Better than I would have predicted had I injected my dose that morning. Testosterone way down and estrogen the highest I have ever been. This was supposed to be the day I had the lowest levels (hence the injection) and I was doing pretty damn good.

What About Mood Now?

As I said I had been feeling off lately. Now that I know it's not the hormones being in the wrong ranges that leaves me with other options to consider. My initial thoughts are that I am no longer seeing the flurry of changes that I did the first ~7 months. On top of that I have been full time for almost 2 months and maybe it's a bit more normal now. I can't help but think that is going to be the norm for a long time. Changes can still, and likely will, happen for another few years and really most of the time I won't see them immediately. I will just be waiting for them to happen. That doesn't mean I can't try to help things along though. I have recently starting taking vitamins since my diet is almost definitely lacking the variety I would need. I also had read that Vitamin D has a positive effect on hormone efficacy and many people are deficient in that so I felt it really wouldn't hurt.

Now that things have seemingly stabilized I feel like I have fewer things to write about. In reality I think it gives me an opportunity to write about things that are less personal and medically oriented. Now I may be able to write about current events or more opinionated topics. Not to say that this will happen but I would like to keep writing and the more diverse the topics the better I should become at it.

Close Contact

Recently I have also started wanting to date. Another reason that I thought my testosterone was up was that my libido seemed like it was coming back with that desire for other people's company. I have read that other trans woman's libido picked up or exceeded previous levels near this time of transition. Maybe it's not the same desire and I am having trouble identifying it correctly, feelings are weird. I don't necessarily want to actually get intimate with anybody as it does make me uncomfortable and give me some dysphoria (I will leave it at that).

Just having someone to cuddle and watch a movie with is something I find myself pining for though. Before™ I had never really dated, largely because of my introversion and awkwardness but also because I was in a long-term relationship. Now I still with have the awkwardness but at least I will attempt to meet people. I feel so old to be dating, like everyone my age has kids and a house with a picket fence. Of course that is inaccurate but I feel like my age is just another filter on my already dwindling pool of dating partners.

I could (and maybe will) write a whole post on dating as a trans woman and how that has worked out. 

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